Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
