Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize