I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
