Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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