only if we run a train.
done.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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