Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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