Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
