i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize