So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
