sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
