Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
