Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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