the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
