i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
