I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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