I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
