I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She tied me up with her honor cords...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
