Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
