YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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