as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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