Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so let's talk penis.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
