That's intense
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
