when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
