The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
