I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize