i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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