walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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