I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
