i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
