you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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