the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
