My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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