yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
