he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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