If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
