Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
there is puke in my bra ... again
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
