Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
