Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
