I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
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His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What a dumb baby whore.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
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This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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