he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
