I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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