I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
