I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
as a side note pls kill me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
