my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
