Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
