i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
And then he peed in my hair
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
