Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
