8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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