you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
