Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
