Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
