I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
