You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Enjoy the penises
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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