Your face is a jimmy john
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
