It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
