yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
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It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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