Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I look better un-naked...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's blow job season.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you made out with another girl for some wings
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
