I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just want nice things and good sex
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
