I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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