apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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