Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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