wanna go halves on a baby?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
