so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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