I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
