So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
