I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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