hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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