You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
