I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
