If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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