He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
