it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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