HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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