Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
