Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
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Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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