So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
