I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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