happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize